


A Robot in Sherwood and you brought a Spoon

by jlondonk



Series: The Whouffaldi Chronicles [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Based on the episode, Clara POV, Doctor POV, Doctor/Clara - Freeform, Episode: s08e03 Robot of Sherwood, F/M, I can't concentrate, I'm doing ok but wheyey did I think this was a sensible idea, Idiots in Love, Pining, What the hell was I thinking, clara - Freeform, he can't concentrate, nobody can concentrate, robot of sherwood, these 2 are ruining my life, third installment in my whouffaldi chronicles series, time lord has issues with pretty teachers, whouffaldi, why you so pretty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-05-26 18:57:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6251689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jlondonk/pseuds/jlondonk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clara has decided that she wants to meet Robin Hood and the Doctor obliges. But things aren't what they seem and the two of them are surprised what hidden thoughts get uncovered during their adventure. </p><p>Based on the episode "Robot of Sherwood"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I hadn't really thought this through

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys so much for sticking with me during this process. Your comments mean the world to me.^^ Hope you'll all enjoy this one!

Was it a skirt? It couldn’t be, it was far too short…how could she be comfortable in this?

 

The Doctor was trying to write formulas on his blackboard but his mind was quite literally on other matters. 

Clara was sitting in a chair in front of the console, spinning around, idly looking through one of his many books. She was humming contently, looking so very much at home here, that a strange feeling arose in his chest at the sight of her. Her and her shorts. For they were shorts, he now realized, when he stole another glance down from the gallery. 

 

The chalk in his fingers slipped, covering his sleeve in white powder.

This wouldn’t do. He already had to wipe away his calculations twice in order to proceed with his work. He felt claustrophobic, in need of a distraction. Not that she was distracting him. He was the Doctor, a Time Lord, he didn’t let himself be distracted by a school teacher in a skirt….shorts… _whatever_.

 

Frustrated, he pressed the chalk harder against the blackboard then intended and it crumbled underneath his grip. Clara, thankfully, didn’t notice this.

 

„Take a punt!“, he said suddenly, throwing the chalk into a corner. He felt her eyes on him, as he pretended to focus on his calculations. 

 

„Right.“ 

 

It sounded disbelieving and he wasn’t surprised. He didn’t usually ask where she wanted to go. Not that they’ve had that many adventures together since he got his new body but still. May be he _should_ ask more often…that would probably be the polite thing to do. He was still figuring these things out. 

 

„Really. Your choice. Wherever. Whenever. Anywhere in time and space.“

 

It was eerily quiet for a moment and then he heard her speak and almost did a double take because this was a new one for the books. Clara Oswald sounded _shy_. 

 

„Well, there is something… _someone_ , I’ve always wanted to meet. But I know what you’ll say.“

 

She did? How could she? He didn’t even know what he would be about to say most of the time. 

 

„Try me.“ 

 

Clara had stopped spinning and was now slowly walking toward the stairs to the upper gallery. He could hear her approaching. 

 

„You’ll say he’s made up, that there’s no such thing…“

 

 _He_? Who on earth could she be talking about? He had to admit, he was curious now who she so desperately wanted to meet. 

 

„Go on.“

 

„It’s…it’s _Robin Hood_.“

 

Surely, this was a joke.

 

„Robin Hood?“ he said, leaning against the railing, looking down to her.

 

„Yeah!“, she said, almost bouncing up and down in excitement, and seconds later she had sprinted up the staircase and was next to him. 

 

„I love that story. Always loved it. Ever since I was little.“ Her eyes were so big, looking at him from underneath her fringe.

 

„Robin Hood.“, he repeated while she settled next to him. „The heroic outlaw who robs from the rich and gives to the poor.“

 

Clara was actually giggling now, her eyes sparkling brightly as she nodded. She looked like a girl on christmas morning, so happy that he didn’t know how to cope with it. Naturally, the Doctor had a talent for situations like these. 

 

„He’s made up. There’s no such thing.“

 

She sighed heavily, almost throwing her arms up in frustration. 

 

„You see!“ 

 

„Old fashioned heroes only exist in old fashioned books, Clara.“

 

She didn’t miss a beat. „What about you?“ 

 

_What about me, what do I have to do with this…_

 

„Me?“ 

 

She had that look, that look he found quite hard to match, where she was so earnest and open that it would cut right through him. He turned his back toward her, listening to her talk instead.

 

„Yeah, you. You stop bad things happening. Every minute of every day. That sounds pretty heroic to me.“

 

His breath got caught in his throat. _Is that how she sees me? A hero?_ He knew he wasn’t that, never that. He tried to focus on the spoon in his hand, absentmindedly licking the rest of his yoghurt. 

 

„Just passing the time. Hey, what about Mars?“ 

 

„What?“ 

 

He wasn’t a hero, hero’s didn’t exist outside of fairy tales, he didn’t want her to find out the hard way. Let her keep the illusion for a while longer. 

 

Flipping the blackboard over to reveal a vast drawing of a honeycomb structure, he said: „The Ice Warrior Hives!“

 

„You said it was my choice.“ Oh no, she was pouting. He didn’t know how to handle the pouting. Unfair advantage. 

 

„Or the Tumescent Arrows of the Half-Light! Those girls can hold their drink!“

 

He wondered if Clara could hold her drink. May be they should find out at some point. 

 

„Doctor!“ She was smirking now, smirking was even worse then pouting. Damn her face!

 

„…and fracture fifteen different levels of reality simultaneously. I think I’ve got a Polaroid somewhere.“ 

 

He was trying to distract her, putting away his spoon and rummaging through his pockets for the picture but Clara wouldn’t be derailed. 

 

„Doctor! My choice!“ And that was all she had to say really. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned back to look at Clara.

 

„Robin Hood, show me.“ 

 

She must have seen the look of defeat on his face already, because there was a new smile forming, a smile that did dangerous things to him (that he wasn’t ready to admit yet), and she also had the audacity to gracefully bounce down the stairs. 

 

„Very well.“ 

 

She was next to him, watching him carefully as he typed in the coordinates. 

 

„Earth. England. _Sherwood Forrest._ “ He meant to sound derogatory but when he eyed her from the side, she was biting her lip and he quite abruptly lost his train of thought. 

 

„…1190AD….ish…“

 

She was bouncing back and forth on her heels, radiating excitement and giddiness. He didn’t like it when people where giddy around him. Well, usually. With Clara, he didn’t seem to mind so much. It almost made him feel bad that she would soon loose that smile, when she would inevitable find out, that her old fashioned hero didn’t exist. The Doctor flicked the switch and Clara stared upward in wonder.

 

„But you’ll only be disappointed…“

 

Oh, how wrong he would be about that. 

 

 

———————————

 

 

The dress, oh yes, she finally, _finally_ got to wear the dress!!! Clara checked her hair one more time in the mirror, smiling at herself. Even if he was right, even if Robin Hood didn’t exist, why couldn’t they just enjoy a day strolling through Sherwood Forrest and play pretend. Surely, that wouldn’t hurt anyone. And if she was dressed for it, well then, even better. She wondered if he would like the dress she’d picked, wondered, if he would like the way she’d styled her hair. And then Clara shook her head, feeling foolish. He had never noticed these things before and it had never bothered her, why on earth was she wondering about it now? Pushing such thoughts from her mind, she walked outside, closing the Tardis door behind her. It was a beautiful day and she could actually hear the birds chirping, the sound of a small stream nearby. 

 

„Ok, it might be a little bit much…“, she said, walking down towards him. „But what do you reckon, Doctor?“ 

 

He didn’t seem to reckon anything in that moment, staring at her, completely gobsmacked. Well, that could be interpreted in a number of ways. But then Claras gaze travelled to the other side of the stream, to a young man, a man who looked remarkably like….no….could that….could that actually….

 

The man stared at her and she heard him say something but Claras ears only seemed to receive a weird ringing sound. In shock, she tapped the Doctors shoulder repeatedly. „Is that…“

 

„No!“ A very distinct _no_ but Clara chose to ignore it. 

 

„Oh my god. Oh my god, it is, isn’t it?!“ She felt the adrenaline rush through her body, tears of joy shooting to her eyes. It was real, _he_ was real! And the Doctor had found him for her!

 

„You found him, you actually found Robin Hood!“

 

„That is _not_ Robin Hood!“ 

 

Spoilsport! Of course it was, there was no denying it.

 

„Well then who, Sir, is about to relieve you of your magic box?“

 

Clara watches as Robin draws a sword and holds it right toward the Doctor in a clear challenge. 

 

„Nobody Sir, not in this universe or the next!“

 

„Well then, draw your sword and prove your words.“ 

 

Uh, this would be good. Clara took a few steps to the side, while the Doctor walked toward the log Robin was standing on.

 

„I don’t have a sword. I don’t _need_ a sword. Because I am the Doctor and _this_ is my spoon!“

 

And she actually had to stop herself from laughing out loud when he took a spoon out of his inner coat pocket, with great drama and gusto. 

 

And then, it was on, they were actually dueling, on a log bridge, over a stream, with a sword and a spoon, in sherwood forrest. God, sometimes Clara loved her life. 

 

And the Doctor was brilliant. He was calm, cool and in complete control of the situation. Clara found herself mesmerized by his movements. He was so agile, so quick. 

 

„You’re…amazing.“ Oh dear, she hadn’t meant to say that out loud. It had just sort of escaped her lips.

 

„I’ve had some experience….Richard the Lionheart (Clang!) .….Cyrano de Bergerac (Clang!)…....Errol Flynn…..(Clang!)….he had the most enormous (Clang!) … _ego_!“

 

„Takes one to know one.“, she says and in a brilliant turn, he faces her and actually winks. Clara blushes. 

 

A small series of neat moves later and suddenly, Robin falls headlong into the water. 

 

„Doctor!“ Clara shrieks, running over to him. He polishes the spoon triumphantly on his elbow and pops it back into his coat pocket.

 

„Like I said, my box…and my maiden.“ 

 

„What?“

 

„Nothing.“ Clara looks at him intently but get’s distracted by the fact that Robin still hasn’t come back to the surface. 

 

„Doctor?“ There’s no sign of him in the stream, no air bubbles, nothing. Now the Doctor peers over the log bridge too. 

 

All at once, he yelps and falls, face first, into the stream. Clara jumps in surprise until she hears Robins hearty laugh behind her and watches him pull himself up on the log next to her. She can’t help but join him, his laughter being quite infectious. It doesn’t help that the Doctor looks like a drowned magician. His always so well put together exterior is quite ruffled and she finds, she rather likes this disheveled look on him. 

 

The expression on his face makes her laugh even more, he seems furious. But Clara can’t help herself. She’s in Sherwood Forrest, Robin Hood standing next to her and the Doctor just fell into a stream after dueling with a spoon. She felt, (and he would of course contradict her on this later), that she had every right to have a smile on her face.

 


	2. It's not real, it's all a game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor is not happy with the turn of events. Especially all the banter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this only took me an unreasonable amount of time. Apologies!

He was furious. He was fuming. He was absolutely livid. First this charlatan was pretending to be a fairy tale from a children’s story, who had the audacity to shoot his Tardis with an arrow! Then this simpleton had pushed him into a stream, which resulted in the Doctor having to get a change of clothes! And to top it all off, this damnable imposter was flirting shamelessly with his companion, even introducing her to his gang of fellow crooks! He didn’t trust any of them, not one bit! They were all way too…. _merry_! And they were calling her ‚My Lady‘….there was way too much bowing going on for his liking. 

 

He had to make her see that this wasn’t real, that it was some kind of play. But analyzing their hair and blood samples proofs to be futile. Even their damn sandals were real. And Clara was buying it, **all** of it!

She was smiling, beaming at them all and why in the world couldn’t they cease with their roaring. 

 

„Stop laughing! Why are you always doing that? Are you all simple or something?“

 

He needed more information, he _needed_ to show her that this was a farce. 

 

„I’m going to need a sample!“

 

„…of what?“ 

 

But before he could answer the question, he feels Claras grip on his arm, pulling him to the side, much like an overgrown toddler who is being reprimanded by a teacher. 

 

„Excuse me!“, she says, smiling at the others and leading the Doctor a few feet away from them. 

 

„What are you _doing_?“ There it was. The teacher voice. 

 

„Well, they’re not holograms, that much is obvious. Could be a theme park from the future. Or maybe we’re inside a miniscope!“ 

 

„Oh shut up!“

 

He falters immediately. What in the world had he done now? He was only trying to prove to her that her fantasy wasn’t real and that she was falling into an illusion. Why was she so willing to throw caution to the wind and emerge herself in this fairy tale? 

 

He stalks of, muttering to himself, clearly seeing Clara out of the corner of his eye, talking to ’Robin’.

 

 _Robin_. What kind of name was that anyway?

 

He passes by them slowly, _not spying_ , thank you very much, when he overhears a snippet of their conversation. 

 

„It is a shame to dwell on murky thoughts, when there’s such beauty here.“ 

 

He almost drops his screwdriver. 

 

What in the world did he think he was doing?! Surely, Clara wouldn’t fall for something like that?!

She was too clever to be swayed by words. Especially words like that. 

"Such beauty"…he would bet his spoon this guy said that to every maiden crossing his path. What a scoundrel. 

Clearly, Claras attire worked too well on him, making him think she was from his timeline. 

The dress was……where had she unearthed it from? It must have come from the Tardis, some old storage room or forgotten closet. 

 

She looked so……well, just so…. he wasn’t really sure how to put it. When she’d first left the Tardis, he’d been preoccupied with Robin Hood wanting to steal his magic box and suddenly there she had stood, in her gown, with her hair all long and curly and shining in the sunlight of Sherwood Forrest and he had been…stunned…immobilized. His pulse had quickened, just like that, for no reason and he had hated it. He’d stared at her and she had stared at Robin and he'd wondered,... wondered if her hair had always been this shade of brown, if her eyes had always been this bright and if she’d always been this radiant. 

No sooner had these thoughts crept up to the surface did he make sure to squash them down, ferociously. 

He did not understand these things, they made him nervous…. and he didn’t like being nervous. 

Distance. Distance was good….it was safe. Having distance meant he could concentrate. 

And if, every once in a while his thoughts would drift to her face or her hair or her skin…her collarbones…C _hrist, that dress really was_ …

 

He **would** do his damndest to redirect them back to the task at hand…which at the moment consisted of putting some space between Clara and this imposter. 

 

„What time is it, Mr. Hood?“, he asked, shooting up in between them. Robin seemed startled. 

 

„Somewhat afternoon…“

 

„ **No, no**! Time of year! The season.“ Did he have to explain everything?!

 

„Dame Autumn has draped her mellow skirts about the forest, Doctor! The time of mists and harvest approaches….“

 

„Yes, yes. All very poetic. But it’s very green hereabouts, though, isn’t it? And like I said, very sunny.“

 

„So?“ Clara asked. 

 

„Have you ever been to Nottingham?“ She frowned at him, _actually_ frowned. 

 

„Climate change?“

 

„1190“

 

Before the Doctor can elaborate, he’s interrupted…loudly.

 

„Well, well, you must excuse me! The Sheriff has issued a proclamation. Tomorrow, there's to be a contest to find the best archer in the land! And the bounty: an arrow of pure gold!“

 

„No, no, don't go! It's a trap!“, Clara shouts. 

 

„Of course it is! But I can never resist a challenge! A contest to find the best archer in the land?“ He turns to his men. „Why, there is no contest!“ They all burst out into joyful laughter.

 

„Right! That wasn't even funny, that was bantering. I am totally against bantering!“, the Doctor exploded. 

 

They were really getting on his nerves. And now they were ignoring him. Wonderful, just wonderful. 

 

„How are you so sure he’s not the real thing?“, came Claras quiet voice from his side. 

 

„Because he can’t be.“ 

 

Didn’t she understand…this couldn’t be real. He can feel her staring at him but refuses to rise to the challenge. He would not be swayed by that thing that she did with her eyes, not again. This is what had brought them here in the first place.

 

„When did you stop believing in everything?“ 

 

 _What?_ That wasn’t true. He believed in things. Just not in silly young men with bows and arrows. Surely there ought be some distinction.

 

„When did you start believing in impossible heroes?“

 

„Don’t you know?“ 

 

Her voice is so quiet that it makes him turn and look at her and her blinding smile and he suddenly feels hot all over. Damn. He averts his eyes but they fall back to the dress and then he doesn’t know where to look. 

What did she mean by that…there was something to be uncovered in her answer but he didn’t….he couldn’t…focus.

 

„In a way, that’s rather sweet.“, she continues and he’s more confused then ever. Clara leaves him to his thoughts, all jumbled and out of order. Was she thinking him sweet? He wasn’t sweet! **She** was sweet! How dare she! She was the one with the big eyes and the dimples and quick answers. Frustrated with himself and the falsehood of the place around him, he takes an angry bite out of his apple.

 

 


	3. Inside the dungeon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara doesn't know what's worse: sitting here with chains around her wrists or having to listen to two grown men squabble....

He had to show off! Of course he did, he could never just let things go, oh no, not when someone was outshining him. Why should he be content to let Robin Hood win the archery contest when he could butt in and just blow stuff up with his sonic screwdriver!?! That wasn’t suspicious at all! 

 

„Seize him!“, the Sheriff shrieks and Clara turns, grabbing a pikestaff. 

 

_God that’s bloody heavy….come on, Oswald, on you go!_

 

„What are you doing? Put that _down_!“ 

 

„I'm fine! I take Year Seven for after school Taekwondo.“ 

 

He stares at her, his eyes comically wide and she would laugh at his expression if she wasn’t so focused on staying upright under the weight of the pikestaff. 

 

„Don’t worry, Doctor! I’ll save you!“, Robin bellowed. 

 

„I don’t need saving!“

 

 _That’s debatable_ , Clara thought. 

 

„Your honour is safe.“

 

„I know it is.“

 

„For I am…. **Robin Hood!** “ 

 

He throws off his cloak dramatically, revealing his face and the crowd goes wild. Clara can hear the heavy sigh behind her and is certain the Doctor is rolling his eyes. 

 

And then a number of things happen very quickly. Robin clashes with one of the Knights and before Clara can even blink, chops of his arm with his sword. Masses of intestine-like wiring spill from the Knight's shoulder, sparking and fizzing! 

 

„ _Robot_! Now we’re getting somewhere!“, the Doctor says, grinning.

 

„Kill them! Kill them now! Kill them all!“, the Sheriff shouts.

 

And suddenly there are flashes of purple beams and loud screams as the crowd runs for cover from the attacking robot knights. Clara tries to hold her ground but becomes increasingly worried with the whole situation. Those lasers didn’t look too friendly. She drops the pikestaff (really, what was she gonna do with that thing anyway?) and places herself in front of the Doctor. Robin raises his sword to attack again but it get’s knocked out of his hand.

 

„He surrenders!“

 

„What?“ Robin shouts, utter outrage on his face.

 

„Ok, ok.“ _Calm down boys,_ she thinks, as she raises her hands, the knights surrounding them. She turns to the Doctor while Robin tells his merry man to flee. 

 

**„To the dungeons, with all of them!“**

 

„What’re you up to?“ 

 

„Quickest way to find out anybody’s plans.“, he says. „Get yourself captured.“ 

 

And wasn’t that just peachy. 

 

 

———————————

 

 

Clara looked cross. Well, it was somewhat understandable, the dungeon wasn’t as accommodating as he’d hoped. And the smell certainly didn’t help. There was nothing he could do about that now though. Unlike the constant streak of complaints coming from the person on his right, in the form of _Robin Hood_.

 

„Shut it, Hoodie. I saved your life.“

 

„I had the situation well in hand.“ 

 

The Doctor burst out laughing. Surely he couldn’t be serious. 

 

„Long haired ninny versus killer robot knights, I’d know where I’d put my money.“ 

 

„If you had not betrayed me, then I would have been triumphant!“

 

„You’d have been a little puff of smoke and ashes!“

 

„Ha!“

 

„You'd have been floating around in tiny little laughing bits in people's goblets!“

 

„Balderdash! HA!“

 

„Right, here we go, it’s laughing time!“ 

 

This was getting ridiculous. 

 

„You amuse me, grey old men!!“

 

_GREY OLD MEN?! The nerve!!!_

 

And now this villain was mocking him, sneering in his face!

 

„Guard!! He's laughing again!! You can't lock me in here with a laughing person.“

 

„Oh, that's funny. Do you know I feel another laugh coming on! **Ha, ha, ha**!“

 

„Guard, I cannot remain in this cell! Execute me now!“

 

„You heard him - execute the old fool!“

 

There he goes again with calling him old. What was that about?!

 

„No, hang on, execute _him_!“

 

„I do not fear death, execute away!“

 

„Yeah, execute him! I want to see if his head keeps laughing when you chop it off.“ That would be a sight to behold.

 

„Robin Hood always laughs in the face of death!“

 

„Rolling round the floor laughing - I'd pay good money to see that!! Guard!“

 

„Guard!“

 

„ _Guard_!!“

 

„Will. You two. **Shut!! UP!!!!!** “

 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

Well then…

 

Here’s the thing. The Doctor would never admit this because it wouldn’t do her ego any good but sometimes Clara Oswald had a strange hold over him, especially when she went into full on schoolteacher mode. The startled silence that fell over them made him feel like a scolded schoolboy. 

 

„Do either of you understand, in any way at all, that there isn't actually a guard out there?“

 

_Oh._

 

„…Oh.“

 

„I did, in fact.“, Robin said, showing off again in front of Clara. How dare he.

 

„No, you didn’t.“

 

„I said, shut up.“ She really seemed cross now. He wondered if the shackles around her wrists hurt her. He stared at them, thinking that he probably should have thought about this beforehand. 

 

„The Doctor ... and Robin Hood ... locked up in a cell. Is this the best you can do? Are you both determined to starve to death in here, _squabbling_?“

 

_No, Clara. No, of course not. I wouldn’t let you starve to death. I can’t vouch for the fate of this fake heroin next to me but you, I would never -_

 

„I’d last a lot longer than that desiccated man-crone.“

 

_\- to you. I would never - hold up, what?!_

 

„Really? Well you know what - I think you’ll find I have a certain genetic advantage -…“ 

 

His words were cut off as he was being pulled sharply back by his bound wrists. Clara had yanked the chain that was connecting their cuffs, a frustrated expression on her face.

 

„It’s not a competition about who can die slower!“, she said. 

 

„It would definitely be me, though wouldn’t it.“ 

 

She sighed, actually sighed. As if all of this was his fault. Well, granted he might have played a small part in all of this but still…. 

 

„There was supposed to be a plan. Do either of you have a plan?“

 

„Yeah, of course I have.“, he said. 

 

„I too have a plan.“

 

_Oh would you ever just shut up, you annoying little -_

 

„Ok, Robin, you first.“

 

_WHAT?_

 

„Why him?“

 

„Doctor, shut up. Robin, what’s your plan?“ 

 

He didn’t have to listen to her. He didn’t have to shut up. So why was he? She really should stop being so bossy…slowly he turned his eyes away from her face and over to Robin, raising an eyebrow expectantly. With Clara’s attention now firmly on him, the young man seemed suddenly unsure of himself, nervous even. The Doctor could almost sympathise. 

 

„I am…biding my time.“

 

_HA! Pathetic!_

 

„Thank you, Prince of Thieves.“, she says, rolling her eyes. 

 

„Last of the Time Lords?“ 

 

„Yes, I have a plan.“, he says confidently.

 

_Yes, I’m gonna get us out because unlike this weirdo here I actually know what I’m doing. Don’t you worry Clara, I’ve got it all under -_

 

„Can you explain your plan without using the words ‚sonic screwdriver’?“

 

_Damn!_

 

_„…….“_

 

 _„_ Because you might have forgotten, the Sheriff of Nottingham, has taken your sonic screwdriver - just saying. It’s always the screwdriver.“

 

„Right, ok…well, let, let…let’s hear Robins plan.”

 

“Oh, for god’s sake.”

 

The turning of the key in the door stops his next remark. 

 

“You see, there was a guard. There was a guard listening the whole time, I knew it! Ha, ha, ha.”

 

If this imbecile didn’t stop laughing soon, he would throw something at him. The men entering the cell smells even worse then the decayed skeleton that’s chained opposite them and he wrinkles his nose. 

 

“The Sheriff himself commanded me to listen, to find out which of you is the true ringleader.”, he says through rotten teeth. 

 

Well, wasn’t that just perfect. Now he actually had something to do.

 

“Ah, so he can do the interrogating. Very wise.” 

 

“Excellent. He will get nothing from me.”

 

Oh would this running commentary never end. Quiet, you fool. 

 

“No, no, no, no, no, he will get nothing from me - interrogation is always where I turn the tables. _That’s_ my plan!” 

 

But Robin isn’t acknowledging him, he’s even raising his manacles to be unlocked, proclaiming loudly: “Just hurry up and take me to him.” 

 

“No, no, chop, chop, come on.”, he says, glaring at Robin. 

 

But the guard doesn’t unchain either of them. Instead they both stare at Clara, who is now on her feet, irons around her wrists gone. She looks at them almost pityingly. 

 

“Seriously?”, she says and is pulled away towards the door with a forceful “Come on!” from the vile creature manhandling her. 

 

“No.”, he says almost inaudible because this hadn’t been the plan. They were meant to take him, Robin even, not her. 

 

“What are you doing?” 

 

“Don’t be ridiculous!!” 

 

Clara had no protection, no screwdriver and he was still chained in here with this lunatic. He hadn’t anticipated the Sheriff to take _her_. What was he gonna question her about. What information was he gonna get from her. She thought this was a fairy tale, not realising the danger she was in, the scale of this travesty…

 

What did the Sheriff of Nottingham want with Clara Oswald?

 

 


	4. Play along a little longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara doesn't like the Sheriff. Unfortunately, he doesn't realise this.

_How much more food can he possible stuff into his face? Did he just eat a whole chicken?_

 

“Eat, my Lady, eat! Let it not be said that the Sheriff of Nottingham is a poor host!”

 

“Had a bag of crisps this morning, thanks.”

 

He frowns at her and she shifts in her chair.

 

“Your words are strange, fair one.” 

 

Clara has to concentrate, very hard, on not rolling her eyes at him. 

 

“I should think they are.”

 

“But I like you. You are refreshingly…..direct.” 

 

HA! If only the Doctor would have heard that. ‘Direct’ was a new one for the books.

 

“You can take the girl out of Blackpool.”, she shrugs. 

 

Again he fixes her with a stare but then his eyes fall to the objects on the table in front of him. Amidst the ridiculous spoon and a discarded cheese sandwich lies the sonic screwdriver, so far out of her reach.

 

“Taken from your friend’s strange tunic. An intriguing gallimaufry.”

 

You’re telling me, she thinks. Who carries a spoon around just like that!

 

“Including this wand. Evidently a thing of awesome power. Tell me…are you from beyond the stars?”

 

Clara smirked. 

 

“You’re the one with the robot army. You tell me.”

 

He smiles at her then and her facade almost slips when he starts picking the foot out of his teeth. _Pull yourself together Oswald. The Doctor and Robin are still trapped and you know how this works!_

 

As if on cue, the sheriff says: “Let us talk of softer…sweeter things.”

 

She takes a deep breath. Game face…come on. 

 

“Ah, good. I was hoping we’d get round to that.”

 

“….you were?”

 

_Sure, Dumbass!_

 

“For I have known I was destined to draw the eye of a great and powerful man for a long time - ever since I saw those mysterious lights in the sky.”

 

He falters for a moment, considers her.

 

“You saw them too?”

 

“And those strange mechanical men, with their promises….”

 

“I too have experienced these things.”

 

_Duh._  

 

“Really? Well I would never have guesses. Tell me your story.”

 

“Tell me yours.”

 

“Oh, but you have to go first.”

 

“Why so?”

 

Ugh, she was gonna have to sell this one. She leans forward a little, looking at him from under her lashes and says: 

 

“Because great men always precede.”  

 

“You have a point.”

 

“Your story then…”, she says, quickly jumping on the table, a safe distance away from him. His story, as it turns out, is not as exciting as she’d hoped. Typical power obsessed, I’m-so-jealous-of-my-brother, meh meh, why-does-no-one-respect-me, sob story of a sheriff who got lucky when a spaceship landed in his backyard. She should have guessed really. She wondered what the Doctor would make of all this. 

 

“So what are you hanging around here for then, your Majesty? Why are you bothering to squeeze the pips out of the peasants if you've got a skyship on standby?”

 

“Enough questions! I am impatient to hear your story.” He is crowding her again and she doesn’t like it. He smells of alcohol and medieval poultry. 

 

“Oh but I do not have one. I was lying.”

 

This stumps him for a moment. 

 

“Lying?”

 

“Yeah.”, she says, almost cheerful. “People are much better at sharing information if they think the other person has already got it.”

 

The Doctor would be so proud. Or, on second thought, he’d probably roll his eyes at her and say something sarcastic. Yeah, that,… definitely that. 

 

“Oh, that was very clever.”

 

_Huh?_

 

“You’ll do very well.”

 

_What now?_

 

“For what?” 

 

And he has her cornered against the table, which, really is quite the unfortunate position. 

 

“Does not every King need a consort?” 

 

He leans in to kiss her then and she ducks out from under him. Would she be thrown back in the dungeon if she slapped the Sheriff of Nottingham really, really hard across the face? At least she’d be with the Doctor again…he does need checking up on from time to time. 

 

“Right.”, she said, holding out her hand as if in warning, her eyes glaring daggers at him. 

 

“You do that again and you’ll regret that.”

 

Would you look at that…he actually flinched. 

 

 

—————————————

 

 

This was unacceptable. This was infuriating. He was stuck with this imbecile while Clara was….somewhere. With the Sheriff. At least they had made it out of the cell and into this…

 

oh….OH!

 

“By all the saints! What is this place?”

 

Of course, _of course_ , it made so much sense now. 

 

“Date banks, date banks, data banks…”

 

Finally, all the information he needed, right at his fingertips. This, yes, this he could work with. 

 

“Where were you heading, hm? Where was this ship heading?”

 

And then, there it was again, the thing he didn’t want to see, right there on the screen. 

 

THE PROMISED LAND 

 

“Like the Half-Face Man. But more….more sophisticated.” 

 

He remembered the underground larder, remembered Claras face, crying, so scared, so courageous, her curls falling so sweetly around her face. 

 

The Doctor shook his head. No time for this now. 

 

“Disguised as a Twelfth century castle! But the engines…the engines are damaged.” 

 

He fiddles with the buttons, adjusts the dials. 

 

“They're leaking radiation into the local atmosphere creating a temporary micro-climate of staggering benevolence.”

 

“Beg pardon?” 

 

Oh yeah, he’d almost forgotten about Robin. 

 

“I told you! It’s too sunny, it’s too green. And there’s even an evil Sheriff to oppress the locals. This explains everything. Even you.” 

 

Oh he’d been right, he knew he’d been right. He couldn’t wait to tell Clara. 

 

“It does?”

 

He turns now, looking at him.

 

“Well, what does every oppressed peasant workforce need? The illusion of hope! Some silly story to get them through the day, lull them into docility and keep them working.”

 

His fingers are flying over the machines again and there it was, flashing over the screens. Images of Robin Hood, storybooks, movies, engravings, paintings…

On and on they went…

 

“Ship’s data banks. Full of every myth and legend you could hope for. Including… **Robin Hood!** Friend of the poor!”

 

He looks at Robin. 

 

“Isn’t it time you came clean with me?”

 

“I do not understand your words.”

 

“You’re not real, and you know it! Look at you. Perfect eyes, perfect teeth! And nobody has a jawline like that!” 

 

No wonder Clara had been so besotted with him. He was an illusion, created to entice. It had been entirely out of her control! It wasn’t that she actually liked him, she’d just been,…bewitched, if you will. Yes. Right. Yes. 

 

“You’re as much part of what’s going on here as the Sheriff!”

 

“You dare to accuse me of collusion with that villain the Sheriff?”

 

“I dare!”, he smirked. 

 

“You false-tongued knave! I should have skewered you when I had the chance.”

 

“I’d like to see you try!”

 

**BOOOM!**

 

In that moment, the bridge door was blown off it’s hinges and framed in the doorway are the Sheriff and Clara, flanked by robot knights. He’d be worried about the way the sheriff was manhandling Clara, if he didn't know that it was all for show. 

 

“Very good.”, he said, with a slow hand-clap. 

 

“What’s going on?” 

 

Clara’s still confused, of course, he should probably explain. As hard as it was for him to crush her dreams…needs must. 

 

“Kill him! Kill Robin Hood!”

 

Oh please. Couldn’t they just stop this now?

 

“You can drop all that, Sheriff.”

 

The Knights take aim at Robin instantly but he sees through it. If they wanna continue with this charade then so be it. He wasn’t gonna play along.

 

“Doctor?”

 

“He’s not what you think he is, Clara. It’s all just play-acting.”

 

But her frown turns into something else. There’s that line she gets on her forehead when she’s worried and he feels a sudden pang at having memorised her face so completely. He spares Robin a glance as he darts out of the way when the Knight almost hits him with a purple laser, blasting away the metal shutters and revealing a window. Robin jumps on the window ledge in a way the Doctor supposes, is meant to look heroic. Pff. 

 

“We can’t just let them kill him!”, Clara shouts, just as the knights take aim again and she does something unbelievable stupid and positions herself in front of Robin, arms outstretched, the purple cross now hovering over _her_ face. Unacceptable. 

 

“Clara.” 

 

But before the Doctor can say anything else, Robin throws his arms around her and backs towards the window. 

 

“What the hell are you doing?”, she whispers. 

 

The Doctor locks eyes with Robin, his eyebrows knit together in a deep frown and he dares him to do it, dares him to even think of it, because he will not - no - he will not allow it.

 

“Surviving.”

 

The word rings through the room just as the Doctor turns his gaze from him to Clara but it’s too late. 

 

Robin tips backwards, out the window, Clara in his arms and both his hearts stop at the same time. 

 

“No….” 

 


	5. I dreamed of you tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are revealed and the Doctor must face the facts about who Robin Hood really is.

Clara could swim. He was sure of it. Almost certain….although he’d…he’d never asked her. 

His hands gripped the window sill so tightly that his knuckled turned white. Next to him, he felt the Sheriff lean out and observe the water. 

“Yeah, sorry about the girl - such a pretty thing. What a queen she would have made.”

If he turned around now, he could punch this idiot right in the face. How dare he talk about Clara Oswald in this way? She was more then just a pretty thing! Albeit he had never told her that he thought she looked pretty - not that he did! - it just…it had never been necessary.

She…she had never asked…and…

The Sheriff turned away before he could respond and the Doctor risked another glance out the window.

Instantly, his lost breath returned to his body as down below, Robin was pulling the unconscious Clara out of the water and carrying her to the side of the moat. She was alive. 

She was alive. 

He would deal with Robin later. 

“Stop pretending. You and your fancy robots. I get it, I understand.”

“Oh, so you too know my plans?” 

Too? Who else was….Clara. 

Clara had figured it out. Case and point. So much more then just a pretty face…

“Spaceship disguised as a castle. Very neat. You and your robots are plundering the surrounding countryside for all its worth. 

He glances quickly around at the technology when it hits him.

“Of course! Gold! You're creating a matrix of gold to repair the engine circuitry!”

“This is the scheme the Mechanicals have devised. Soon this skyship will depart. Destination: London! There I shall obliterate the King and take my rightful place as ruler of this sceptered isle!”

Doubtful. Highly doubtful.

“Won't work. There's not a chance. I've seen the instruments. There's been too much damage, you're stoking up a gigantic bomb!”

But the Sheriff wasn’t listening to him. He’d already turned his head and when the Doctor looked up, he saw one of the Knights raising it’s chain-mailed fist high in the air before bringing it down on the back of his neck and plunging his world into darkness.

 

 ————————————

   

_“Doctor.”_

_“Hmmmm?”_

 

_Was he floating?_

 

_“Doctor.”_

 

_“….”_

 

_He felt so strange. Where was he?_

 

_“….Doctor….”_

 

_Was that Clara? It sounded like her…why couldn’t he see her?_

 

_“Are you gonna answer my question?”_

 

_She was laughing, her voice had that melody about it when she was amused._

 

_“Where are you?”, he asked, reaching out his arms._

 

_“Turn around, silly!”_

 

_And suddenly, 2 soft hands lift themselves from his eyes and he turns and Clara is right in front of him, smiling - no, beaming at him._

 

_“Oh.”_

 

_She’s giggling now, her hands on his shoulders and this was strange… usually, she wouldn’t stand so close to him._

 

_“Are you gonna answer my question?”_

 

_He was starstruck._

 

_“What question?”_

 

_Where in the world where they? There was fog, so much fog, all around them._

 

_“Do you think I look pretty?”_

 

_“What?”_

 

_She wore the same red dress - the same sweet smile she had given Robin when she’d first met him…_

 

_And now she was twirling, actually twirling in front of him and time slowed down…_

 

_“I….I’m not quite sure what…”_

 

_“You don’t like it.” Her face fell as she spoke those words. “You don’t like the dress.”_

 

_“That’s not - I didn’t say that.”_

 

_She stepped closer and the air around her shifted with each step. Of course. He understood now._

 

_“Then what are you saying, Doctor?” There was the barest hint of a blush high on her cheeks._

 

_“It’s just a dream, Clara. You’re not really here. I’m not really here, in fact. This is my subconscious and I have to say, that robot hit me well and proper because -“_

 

_Dream Clara was laughing loudly and he stopped talking._

 

_“But of course it’s not real. I already know that you think the dress is beautiful. Not as beautiful as her hair though - what is it about that, that fascinates you so?”_

 

_Now it was him that was blushing._

 

_“And the eyes! Boy, they really keep you up at night don’t they?”_

 

_“Stop it.”_

 

_“I can’t. I’m your subconscious. You stop it!”_

 

_“What kind of dream is this?”_

 

_Her laugh turned into a knowing smile. “Oh Doctor. You try so hard. But if you can’t even say it in your dream…”_

 

_“Say what?”_

 

_She didn’t reply, just looked at him, so calm, so serene._

 

_“Clara?”_

 

_“I’m not Clara. Clara’s with Robin, who you’re quite jealous of by the way. Is it because he’s flirting with her?”_

 

_“I’m not jealous of a robot!”_

 

_“I’m afraid you are!”_

 

_He was spinning around, looking for a way out. “This is ridiculous - worse then being stuck in that dungeon.”_

 

_“Don’t worry.”, Dream Clara said. “Engine capacity at forty eight percent.”_

 

_He stops, the fog growing closer around them. “What did you say?”_

 

_But Clara’s face was gone. There was only smoke._

 

———————————

 

He wakes with a start. The air is hot and thick around him. His arms have been tied to a pillar in a corner and by the looks of it, he seems to be in the vault, where production has gone into overdrive. 

 

“Engine capacity at forty eight percent.”, comes the mechanical voice of one the Knights. 

 

“Not enough. That’s not enough. It’ll never make orbit.”, he says automatically, as if to himself. 

 

He looks around in an attempt to shake off the dream and finds someone staring at him - a young woman. 

 

“What are you looking at?” 

 

She frowns for a moment and in the back of his mind he hears Clara reprimanding him for being rude. His gaze softens and he apologises. Damn that teacher, always floating around in his brain. 

 

But there was no time to dwell on that now.  

 

The woman was still looking at him and he shuffles a little closer. “Sorry, bad habit. First impressions aren’t my strong suit.”

 

She looks at him steadily and he sees her relax at his words. As quickly and simply as he can, he explains the situation to her in a hushed voice.

 

“I think I understand you.”, she says. “The Sheriff is using the gold to repair something?”

 

“That's the principle. But he's a moron. If he tries to fly his ship, it'll explode and wipe out half the country.”

 

He looks around. 

 

“What we need is a little riot.”

 

She smiles at that and starts untying the Doctors bonds. “I’ll spread the word.”

 

The girl is only gone a few minutes when one of the Knights approaches him and scans him from head to toe.

 

“You are fit for labour.”, his monotone voice roars.

 

Suddenly, the girl is back next to him and the Knight turns his head towards her. 

 

“Stand aside while this peasant unit is freed.”

 

The Doctor smirks. “I’m afraid you’re a little late.”

 

“Explain.”

 

“I’m already free!”

 

He swings his arms round from behind the pillar and grabs a gold plate from the pile of treasure at his feet. In that moment, The Knights’ crossed purple laser shoots out but the Doctor deflects it with the plate and the beam shoots off into the shadows. The Knight fires again but this time, the young woman next to him deflects the beam with a gold framed mirror.

It hits another of the Knights, blowing its head off and sending it spinning into oblivion.

The other Knights immediately prepare for an assault but it’s no use. One by one, all the prisoners lift up the reflective treasure they could find - shields, mirrors, golden plates.

As the battle commences, they manage to destroy most of the metallic knights with the laser beams until only one remains. 

“Everyone, it’s the last one!”, the Doctor shouts and they all turn their devices onto the Knight. 

He fires his laser blast and it criss-crosses the vault, ricocheting round and round, then rebounding on itself.

The last night explodes in fragments and everyone cheers. 

The Doctor flings open the door of the vault, waving them over. 

“Right, out! Everybody out! Quickly!”

The mass of prisoners streams out into the warm sunshine, their shackles and bounds lying forgotten on the floor. The girl turns back around and faces him.

“You’ve saved us all, clever one! Thank you!” and she presses a kiss to his cheek. 

The Doctor is gobsmacked. It was not an unpleasant sensation but immediately, as if his mind couldn’t distinguish between a gentle gesture and her, Clara’s face appeared in front of his vision. If given the chance, would she ever do something like this? Press her lips against his cheek? He shook his head, chastising himself for daydreaming about something so foolish. 

“You are indeed an ingenious fellow, Doctor.”

The Sheriff stood in the doorway, looking at him, a Knight on either side.

“But do you really think your peasant revolt can stop me?”

“I rather think you’re the revolting one around here…”

_Was he bantering? Was this happening? HE DIDN’T BANTER!_

“Listen to me! You don't have enough gold content to seal the engine breach. If you try and take off, you'll wipe out half of England.”

“Liar! From my sky-vessel I shall rule omnipitant.”

He was loosing his patience. Already the Doctor could feel the vault vibrating wild around them.

“You pudding-brained primitive, shut down the engines! What you’re doing will alter the course of history!” 

The Knights were stomping towards him now but the Sheriff only looked bored.

“I sincerely hope so.”, he said. “Or I wouldn’t be bothering.”

The purple laser fire begins to built and he can feel it, the cross, hovering over his own face. 

“Listen to me! It doesn't have to end like this. Shut it all down. Return Clara to me and I'll do what I can to help you - “

“Return Clara??” He seemed confused. “I do not have her.”

Now that didn’t make sense. 

“Robin’s one of yours!”

At this the Sheriff hold up his hand and the Knights don’t fire.

“What did you say?”

“He’s one of your tin-headed puppets, just like these brutes here.”

A laugh cuts through the silence. “Robin Hood is not one of mine.”

“Of course he is! He's a robot! Created by one of your mechanical mates!”

“Why would they do that?”

“To pacify the locals! Give them false hope! He's the opiate of the masses…”

He tails off. Suddenly, it all sounds wrong…

“Why would we create an enemy to fight us? What sense would that make. That would be a terrible idea.” 

“Yes. Yes, it would, wouldn't it?” _Oh no._

“That's a rubbish idea. Why would you do that.” _Oh no, no…_

“But he can't be….” _This is terrible…_

“No! No, he can’t be. He’s not real, he’s a legend…”

“TOO KIND!” 

As if on cue, as if he had just waited for an opportunity, Robin Hood appears in the minstrel’s gallery, at the top of the huge banner, looking every bit the hero people imagine him to be. _Bloody hell!_

“And this legend does not come alone!”

Clara peeks round from behind him, a cheeky smile on her lips. 

“Hiya!” 

One of the Doctors hearts skips a beat. 

She grabs Robin, as he plunges his dagger into the boar’s head banner and slices through the material, sliding them both down to floor level as though on a lift! 

And no, he was not jealous, thank you very much.

Robin casually dusts himself down, then hurls the dagger at the Sheriff, who bats it away.

“You alright?”, he says to Clara. She smiles at him. “Oh yeah.”

There’s a pull, right underneath the Doctors ribs, that he can’t quite explain. 

The robot Knights clomp forward then but the Sheriff pulls out his control device and jabs at it.

“No, this one’s all mine!”, he shouts, as the Knights power down, their helmeted heads sinking onto their chests. He swishes his sword and squares up to Robin.

“What do you say outlaw! A final reckoning!”

But it’s all a distant noise in the doctors mind. He hears Robin say something vaguely smart and then the clinking of swords but Clara, Clara is looking at him and he’d been so worried but she looked fine, better then fine actually, glowing in the face of the excitement around her, still so beautiful. 

“You ok?”

It’s not what he wants to say but it’s what comes out of his mouth. 

“Yeah, fine.”

“Good.” He ought to say something else, shouldn’t he? Something more but… “We don’t have long.”

“Doctor…”

It stops him in his tracks. “I know.” They stare at each other and the moment sticks to him like glue. 

“I …” The earth shakes around them and he get’s pulled back to the present. “The whole castle’s going to blow.”

“Well then…we better so something about that.” And she smiles and dashes forward, leaving him no chance but to follow.

 

 

 


End file.
